Keep it in your pants, yoga dude!

Where to begin, where to begin???

I have been hearing about Bikram yoga for years now but had never tried it.  Until yesterday.  I was looking forward to trying something new, I really was.  I was mentally prepared for 90 minutes in the heat.  I had my mat, my towels, my water, I was ready to go.

I stepped into the studio and BAM! the heat hit me like a ton of bricks.  I placed my mat on the damp, carpeted floor (yuk).  I put my towels on my mat, sat down and began breathing slowly in and out of my nose.  One by one people came into the studio and placed their mats down.

As I glanced towards the waiting area, I noticed a shirtless guy in very, very small shorts.   The shorts seemed to be made out of a bathing suit type of material.  Oh lord, I thought to myself, if this guy is going to be practicing like this, I may just pass out right now.  Sure enough, in struts Mr. Penis Pants, and plants himself in front of me and to the right.  Now, let me just say, this guy was in OK shape, he wasn't fat and disgusting or anything, but he was strutting like a peacock around the studio in his penis pants.  Barf.

Class began and all was going well, with the exception of the crazy drill sergeant instructor that kept shouting things like, "No smiling.  No talking.  No drinking water!"  No drinking water??  WTF is this crazy b$%tch talking about?  It's 105 degrees in this room and I will drink water when I darn well please thank you very much!

For those of you that are not familiar with Bikram yoga, the class is a series of 26 poses, done in a particular order and the order never changes.  You can go to a Bikram class anywhere in the world and it will always be the same.  Oh, and did I mention it's done in a 105 degree room??  Anyway, the poses are not difficult, what's difficult is managing the heat.

So it goes without saying that you sweat A LOT in a Bikram class.  You sweat from places on your body that you've never sweat from before, like your shins and forearms.  Sweat drips down your body and your clothes cling to you like saran wrap.

Which comes to my next observation...Mr. Penis Pants.  Oh Lord almighty if those shorts were any more stuck to him he'd have been naked.  It was so unbelievable and shocking that, like a train wreck, it's hard to look away.  And this guy could have cared less, he was proud to be showing off his package in all its sweaty glory!!  I had to refocus.

Thankfully I did and got through the rest of the class.  But let me tell you, when it was over I bolted out of there like my house was on fire.

I'll chalk this one up to new experiences.  But I can assure you, that is the last time I will be seeing Mr. Penis Pants.

Namaste.

Peace and love.