What's my What???

I hate New Years Eve.  I always have.  Even in college.  So I was more than happy to have no plans this year on December 31st.  To me, New Years is like St. Patrick's Day (another "holiday" I hate), an excuse to drink too much and act like a complete idiot, only to wake up the next day and pray no one remembers what an idiot you made of yourself the night before.

So it goes without saying, I do not make New Years resolutions.  Oh I've made many in my years, only to break them within a month and feel horrible about myself.  When you make New Years resolutions, you're just setting yourself up to fail.  "I'll never eat another piece of chocolate again." Bullshit.  "I'll lose ten pounds by the end of the month."  Sure you will.  "I'll never yell at the kids again."  Only if you're popping Xanax.

This year, instead of a resolution, I've decided to set an intention.  Which oddly enough, our yoga teacher was talking about this week in class.  To me, an intention is much more forgiving.  If you wobble or waver, an intention is something you can always go back to, refocus and start again.  A resolution, to me, seems so restrictive, structured and unforgiving.

My intention for the year ahead is strength, both physically, mentally and emotionally.  Physically I'd like to get stronger so I can improve my yoga practice (arm balances are not for weaklings!). Mentally and emotionally I'd like to get stronger so I can navigate life in a balanced and calm way. Little did I know that at 5:30 this morning, I'd be testing my intention for the first time.

My sweet, little Segundo came into my room crying and in a panic.  I got up to meet him and noticed that both his hands and whole face were covered in blood.  He was coughing and choking on his tears and standing there looking at me with such fear in his eyes.  I immediately went into "mommy mode".  The rational side of me knew it was just a bloody nose from the dry air in the house (though he does sleep with a humidifier on).  But the amount of blood that was pouring out of his nose was quite alarming.  Mr. X leaped out of bed and we immediately starting cleaning him off, calming him down and trying to stop the bleeding.  It was running down the back of his throat, making him gag and throw up blood (even more scary!).  After about 25 minutes we were able to stop the bleeding and get him resting comfortably in our bed.  And by 7:00, he was his normal, silly self, eating breakfast and getting ready for school.

My intention of strength hit me on day three of 2012, just as I am sure it will hit me, knock me down and throw me around a whole lot this year.  But each time it does, I know that I'll get back up and keep going, keep moving forward, keep getting stronger.  Because strength is something we can just keep getting better at, and it will never make us feel bad about ourselves.

Peace and love in 2012!